how to survive without losing your mind

Jerry Seinfeld’s now classic episode about his father’s failed campaign for Board of Directors at his condominium in Boca Del Mar, Florida remains a perfect example of condominium elections gone astray. No matter what outrageous, ridiculous and utterly bizarre stories comedians portray involving condominium living, the truth, unfortunately, goes beyond wacky details and down into Alice’s rabbit hole at times. And who should know better than I, a State of Florida employee, investigating complaints from owners who bemoan their condominium and co-op problems.

In 1998, while working as a property manager for OAKRIDGE, Hollywood, I received a complaint from a lakefront owner that defies the imagination. A bad drought in South Florida had lowered water levels in the lakes; in addition, the development’s sprinkler systems were also fed from the lakes. An unhappy homeowner called to complain about the low water level of the lakes. I explained to her that between the draught, the lawn watering and the continuing absence of rain, most likely the conditions would continue and perhaps even worsen.

Her tone of voice conveyed her annoyance and she replied caustically, “I understand why the levels are low! However, I purchased a waterfront property and it’s your job to assure that the water level remains high.”

“And how should I accomplish that?” I asked, flipping on the speakerphone.

Her answer was simple, direct and left the office in a state of utter silence. “Well, get a hose and fill it up!”

After our conversation, she wrote a letter of complaint to my supervisor, accusing me of bad management.

In July of 2002 at the NORMANDY CONDOMINIUM, Miami, an irate unit owner screaming through a bullhorn awakened the association’s president at 6:30 A.M. shouting, “I want to see the association’s checkbook.” In the process, he roused many of the other owners. Doors began opening to better evaluate the situation and to see who was causing the uproar. At that point the troublemaker, realizing that people were staring at him, ran off toward the parking lot only to return several hours later to throw eggs at the building. By the way, he was the one on the day before who had filed the complaint with the Division because he “could not get access to the association’s records.”

In my position, I have dealt with elections where there were fewer envelopes than ballots and more ballots than available unit. More serious violations included: (a) a convicted felon with six aliases assuming the presidency; (b) missing money and unit owners who were afraid to speak out against the president; (c) money laundering schemes in condo-hotels; and (d) such poor maintenance that roofs caved in and the local building department condemned the buildings.

Problems encountered working as a Property Manager and Investigation Specialist cross every spectrum of economic status, educational level, religion, age, race, creed and color. Somewhere along the line a mutant gene called “conditis” suddenly awakens, rears its ugly, ego driven head and assumes control as it did in Oakland Forest Club Condo in Fort Lauderdale when the president proudly proclaimed, “I am the President! I am God and I can make my own laws! I don’t need to listen to the state!” Suffice to say, in the end he did listen to the state.

Since the majority of the people living in condos are law abiding individuals, the aim of this book is not to write a crime exposé but instead to assist unit owners in navigating the rocky shores of communal living. The cited cases are real, encountered by fellow co-workers at the Department of Business and Professional Regulations, Bureau of Compliance, generally known as “The Condo Division,” and myself. For privacy’s sake, the complainant’s name—the one who files the complaint—will be changed to “Jones.” The State of Florida however, does permit using the respondents’ or associations’ true name, since all our files are open for public access. This is stated on the bottom of each complaint form.

For simplicity, condominiums and co-ops will be referred to by the generic term, condominium, since laws governing both are very similar, especially in the State of Florida. Principal ownership in a condominium consists of owning airspace. In a co-op you are a shareholder in the corporation. In a homeowners association (HOA), you own the house and lot. Laws governing condos/co-ops/HOA’s vary from state to state. At the end of the book, there will be a list of individual state agencies where you can forward your complaints.

However, the premise of this book is not to address legal problems but, instead, to assist you in living peacefully with your chosen environment—specifically condominiums. Getting along with neighbors will be the same whether you live in sunny Florida, freezing South Dakota or wild and wooly Los Angeles. As a condo owner, property manager, and state employee, I want to share my insight and general education with you the public, in order to make your transition to condo living easier.

With this said, let’s dive into the joy of communal living by asking the most fundamental and important question: “What made you buy a condo/co-op/house in that particular association?” Your answer will range from A to Z. Intellectually you understand the concept of living in a structured environment. Yet emotionally it’s another issue, and this is where we allow ourselves to get blindsided.

Always keep in mind the reason you purchased your unit/house. The place appealed to you at an intellectual and emotional level and you could afford it financially. Nice neighborhood, the grounds are well taken care of, it’s a gated community, ideal view, great location, all the golf, swimming, tennis, and amenities you could wan t.

Hallelujah! You bought the place and you moved in. The boxes are unpacked and the place is looking like a home. Now you’re ready to proclai m ownership of your ca stle and you put up your welcome wreath or your mezuzah at the entrance door. Within a week you receive a letter informing you that you have violated page 10, section 6 of your Association’s documents. The letter states something along this line, “No decorations or religious symbols are permitted on any exterior door,” along with instructions to remove the illegal item within a specific time. You fume and spout, “They can’t do that!” Yes they can! The Association can tell you what you can put on your exterior door.

Welcome to Condominium, Cooperative and Homeowners Association living.

Remember why you purchased into that particular community? Now take a good look around. The conformity and uniformity is what appealed to you and now you just met the “Rules and Regulations Committee,” or in HOA’s the “Architectural Review Committee.” Either one is in charge to regulate and tell you what you can and cannot hang on your exterior door, and please don’t let the exalted names that various committees may give themselves fool you; the committees’ aim is control of the communal environment.

Rule one in condos/co-ops: the building’s exterior and the grounds are called “common area” and are the responsibility of the Association. Therefore, you cannot change anything without the written authorization of the respective board or committee in control of the same. This works both ways, the Association cannot change the color of the building, alter the landscaping, pool furniture, or anything else without obtaining first unit owner approval.